feeling rough, health problems and social anxiety

I have been feeling really rough lately and it's starting to effect everyday life.
Today I went down to A&E with stomach pains but because I've got previous with stomach pains and stomach problems (endrometriosis) they told me there was nothing they could do I would have to struggle to get an appointment at my GP's to be sent back to the gyne at the hospital, whats so frustrating is that the department that i need to see is one that A&E can't refer you to, you have to go through a lengthy process of doctors appointments and waiting just to get where you need to go. I have been so tired as well but am having so much trouble getting to sleep, most nights i'm up all night and going to bed around 7 for a couple of hours.


I have suffered with endrometriosis since I was 11/12 when i started my period. I had heavy periods and periods that lasted for weeks some times a month or more. The pain I have suffered because of my endrometriosis is to the extreme it's so debilitating at times and although I am currently on the neplexton implant to help treat and prevent the endrometriosis it seems that the treatment isn't slowing down the process as much as it should be. In October of this year I had an operation to laser my endrometriosis this is the second endrometriosis operation, the first of which was when I was around 15/16. Last year I had an ovarian cyst removed which they believe is linked to my endrometriosis. 
Endrometriosis is where the tissue that lines the womb grows outside of it. Endrometriosis is a long term chronic disease the symptoms include painful heavy periods, pain in the lower abdomen,pelvis or lower back, pain during sex, bleeding between periods and difficulty getting pregnant. The only way to diagnosis endrometriosis is through a surgical examination a laparoscopy which if endrometriosis is present can be treated by laser treatment.
endrometriosis is treated by painkillers and hormone medication, there is no known cure for endrometriosis.

I also suffer with social anxiety and depression.social anxiety is a persistant and overwhelming fear of social situations.
 I have always been called shy or quiet but I have since learned that i'm not just shy and quiet it's actually alot more complicated that that. During secondary school I was hardly there due to my health problems so it was easy to pass over my social anxiety. When I started college things became really difficult for me and I started to struggle sevearly with everyday life. Every morning my stomach would churn, i'd feel sick, have a upset stomach, shake and even had a panic attack at the fact I would be going to college that day. College was one of the most difficult things in my life at that time. I would hardly make it through the entire three days as I couldn't cope, one of the hardest things for me at this time was admitting to my family what was going on as I was hiding it from them, trying to explain to people who don't suffer from social anxiety is incredibly hard as they could not understand what I was going through. For a while they dismissed what I was telling them which actually led to a couple of breakdowns, where I would mentally collapse from the strain of going through everything alone. After one hard breakdown after a terrible day at college where I was called out by my teacher for being quiet, not speaking out, not being able to answer questions asked to me it was so hard to go through. After this we made an appointment with my GP to talk through what was going on.
I was giving medication to help my anxiety and the depression. The college unfortunately didn't understand the diagnosis and what it meant, I had to drop out of my college education as I could not cope and was not getting the support I needed.
Now I am still struggling with my social anxiety and trying to get through it.
social situations that affect me are:
speaking to people I don't know
meeting strangers
speaking on the phone
eating in public
using public restrooms
crowded rooms/ shopping centers/ shops
walking down the road on my own
public speaking 
going to social gatherings
being watched while doing something

useful links
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Endometriosis
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Endometriosis/Pages/Introduction.aspx
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/social-anxiety/Pages/Social-anxiety.aspx
http://www.social-anxiety.org.uk/

Youtube videos
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-iNOFD27G4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjuk3WMZByo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fAbI93RmP7k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVft4hBoEvQ

If anyone reading this is going through the same things please know you are not alone and there are always people to talk to.

Amazing christmas family time day two

Yesterday we had an early Christmas with my nephew and his mum and dad.

The front room was filled with presents and when opened toys. He got some really amazing toys that he loved and a couple that were just massive in size.
One of the great things about having a child around at Christmas is that it makes it really exciting and magical.

A small amount of the his presents

While he was here as background we had Christmas movies on it was so amazing to see his face light up at the magic of Santa and his reindeer.
From me he mostly got books because nanny, granddad, mum and dad were all getting him big toys so i didn't want to get even more toys.
He got a massive outdoor monster truck, a big car transporter with cars, cars, new trainers, a paw patrol sketch pad and a paw patroller lorry.

I received a three owl ornaments from my nephew and his mum and i absolutely love them.
My nephew was so funny when it came to his dad opening his presents the second he started my nephew would tell him what was inside.

hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil owl ornaments

Something that was really nice was the Christmas card from my nephew he had done some artwork at school and they had it made into Christmas cards. i think it;s such a great idea and so personal, something that can be kept and saved.

As a surprise present for his parents he decorated Christmas biscuits and gave them to them and he was so pleased with himself when the said they loved them.

after dinner for desert we had some Christmas tree chocolate chip sponge cake which my nephew devoured in seconds.

Christmas is probably my favourite time of the year and to get to spend it with my nephew it just the cherry on the top it was so much fun and at the end of the day he didn't want to go home which is always a good sign that he's enjoyed himself.

All photos are mine.

Amazing christmas family time day one

Today my nephew who's three came over today and it feels like every time i see him he's grown up immensely. He is such a bundle of happiness and joy, we spent today watching Doc McStuffins, making amazing creations out of play dough, making and flying paper planes, painting and decorating Christmas biscuits.


At the moment Doc McStuffins is one of his favourite things to watch when he comes over to our house. Doc is on as background most of the time while we are doing our activities.
I brought a pack of decorate Christmas biscuits for him to do the other day from Iceland, and he had the greatest time decorating them. He was allowed to pick the type of icing he wanted on his biscuits and had a great selection of sprinkles ( quite a few of which ended up on the floor). We decided that because he is coming over again tomorrow for a early Christmas that he wanted to save most of them to share with his mum and dad ( he came over alone today as his mum wanted to wrap presents) as special presents for them.

Last time he came over I brought him a couple of pots of play dough which he LOVES. He also has a collection of cutters. 

 Towards the end of him being here he found one of his uncles paper planes and oh my god he had the greatest time playing with it and making his own. Every time he made it fly the happiness and excitement from the fact he did it was amazing to see.

I am so looking forward to the early Christmas to see him opening presents (which we told him that the reason the presents are here early is that Santa's sleigh gets too heavy so he had to drop some of this off early at nanny's house) as it's probably the first time he actually understands what to do. We are also having a Christmas dinner which everyone is looking forward to.


Tomorrows activities will be up tomorrow.

Books I've read and loved this year in photos

These are the books that I've read this year and loved.
(All photos are my own. Instagram Tracey_Louise_phillips)

These are the books I've loved this year.

What books have you loved reading this year?

If you have any book suggestions for me to read please let me know in the comments.☺

Reason why I haven't been blogging

I have been having some health problems that I've been struggling with and haven't really felt ready to share. Now at this currently moment things are settling down and I have really been missing blogging so I'm going to try and get back into it.
I have suffered with endrometrosis since I was about 13 and over the course of the years I've had to have operations to help deal with the symptoms, the year my endrometrosis has been playing up and I had to have an operation and laser treatment. I also suffer with social anxiety and depression and as you can imagine while I've been going through doctors appointments and hospital appointments and not feeling good had spiked my depression and anxiety and I was struggling. Now although there are a few other health problems that need to be investigated I'm feeling the best I've felt in a very long time.
I feel this is important for me to share, I know alot of people suffer from health problems, anxiety and depression and that sometimes it feels like your the only one in the world that's feeling the way you do, I think one of the reasons for this is it's not regularly talked about one of the biggest things that helped me was hearing zoella (Zoe sugg) talk about her suffering with anxiety and reading the comments on her video really helped me realize that I'm not alone and that there are people out there who understand.


so this is just a little note explaining why I've been away and that now I'm going to try my hardest to be back blogging.






www.youtube.com/zoella
www.youtube.com/morezoella

HALLOWEEN FACTS

• The first Jack o'lanterns were actually made from Turnips

• The word witch comes from the old English wicce meaning 'wise woman' wiccan were highly respected people at one time.

• Samhainophobia is the fear of Halloween.

• According to Irish legend Jack o'Lanterns are named after a stringy man named jack who, because he tricked the devil several times, was forbidden entrance into both heaven and hell. he was condemned to wander the earth waving his lantern to lead people away from their paths.

• Trick or treating evolved from the ancient Celtic tradition of putting out treats and food to placate spirits who roamed the streets at samhain, a sacred festival that marked the end of the Celtic calender year.

• The largest pumpkin ever measured was grown by Norm Craven who broke the world record in 1993 with a 836lb pumpkin.

• Scarecrows a popular Halloween fixture symbolise the ancient agricultural roots of the holiday.

• Harry Houdini ( 1874 - 1926 ) was one of the most famous and mysterious magicians who ever lived. strangely enough he died in 1926 on Halloween night as a result of appendicitis brought on by three stomach punches.

• The owl is a popular Halloween image. In medieval Europe owls were thought to be witches and to hear an owl's call meant someone was about to die.

• According to tradition if a person wears his/her clothes on inside out and walks backwards on Halloween he/she will see a witch.

• In 1970 a five year old boy Kevin Toston allegedly ate Halloween candy laced with heroin. investigators later discovered that the heroin belonged to the boy's uncle and was not intended for a Halloween candy.

• In 1974 eight year old timothy O'Bryan died of cyanide poisoning after eating Halloween candy. investigators later learned that his father had taken out a $20,000 life insurance policy on each of his children and that he had poisoned his own son and also attempted to poison his daughter.

• Jack o'Lanterns originated in Ireland where people placed candles in hallowed out turnips to keep away spirits and ghosts on the samhain holiday.

• the ancient Celts thought that spirits and ghosts roamed the countryside on Halloween night. They began wearing masks and costumes to avoid being recognised as human.

VALENTINE'S DAY FACTS

• Red hearts are a ubiquitous valentine symbol. Red is traditionally associated with the colour of blood. At one time people thought that the heart which pumps blood was the part of the body that felt love. In fact when the egyptians mummified their dead for burial they removed every organ but the heart because they believed the heart was the only part of the body necessary for the trip through eternity.

• Groundhog day was originally observed on February 14                                                       

• Pope Gelasius established valentines day in A.D.500 in an attempt to appropriate the ancient pagan roman fertility festival, Lupercalia, into Christianity.

• The saying "wearing your heart on your sleeve" is from the middle ages. Boys at this time would draw names of girls to see who would be their "Valentine" and then wear the name pinned on their sleeve for a week.

• Richard Cadbury produced the first box of chocolates for Valentines day in the late 1800s.

• A kiss on Valentines day is considered to bring good luck all year.

• Traditionally young girls in the U.S and the U.K believed they could tell what type of man they would marry depending on the type of bird they saw first on Valentines day. If they saw a blackbird they would marry a clergyman, a robin redbreast indicated a sailor and a goldfinch indicated a rich man. A sparrow meant they would marry a farmer, a blue bird indicated a happy man and a crossbill meant an argumentative man. If they saw a dove, they would marry a good man but seeing a woodpecker meant they would not marry at all.

• In 1653 English Puritanical leader Oliver Cromwell became Lord Protector of the realm and subsequently banned St. Valentines day customs. Valentines day wasn't observed again until Stuart King Charles II was restored to the english throne in 1660.

• In Germany girls would plant onions in a pot on valentines day and next to the onions, they placed the name of a boy. They believed they would marry the boy whose name was nearest the first onion to grow.

NEW YEARS FACTS

• Gemstone: Garnet

• Flower: Carnation

• January was established as the first month of the year by the roman calendar.

• January was named after the god Janus. Janus had two faces which allowed him to look both backwards into the old year and forwards into the new one at the same time. he was the spirit of the opening.

• in the old day, the new year started with a custom called 'first footing', which was suppose to bring good luck to people for the coming year.

• it was an old saxon belief that 2nd january was one of the unluckiest days of the whole year. those unfortunate enough to be born on this day could expect to die an unpleasant death.

• january regularly produces frost, ice and snow. And is the chilliest month of the year in britian.

• Wassaling has been associated with christmas and new year as far back as the 1400's. it was a way of passing on good wishes among family and friends.

• Twelfth night : evening before epiphany. Twelfth night marks the end of the medieval christmas festivities and the end of the twelfthtide ( the twelve day season after christmas ending with epiphany). Also called Twelfth day eve.

• 1st January 1927 - The bbc began broadcasting its fisrt tv programmes 

• 18th January 1882 -  A.A Milne was born.

• 27th January 1756 - mozart was born.

• The most commonly sung song on New year's eve is auld lang syne